rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
