i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done