If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...