Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"