Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My cat gives me a boner
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
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I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again