Got a toothbrush?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone