I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
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Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.