so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?