You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit