Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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