dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
