Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
