There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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