And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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