omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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