maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
