The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
