just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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