Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
