We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
