Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm too high and old for this...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
