Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can text with my tongue
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
