I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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