he thought i was a dude.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
