So drunk its hurt
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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