uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
