I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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