My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
