lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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