"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
