I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize