You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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