You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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