it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
