My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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