Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
