booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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