come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
