my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just pee around me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
