I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
