Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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