My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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