what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
