Dual....:-)
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
