yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
