she is the kim kardashian of front butts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
