by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He? As in you personified your dick?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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