we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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