Umm I'm too high to move.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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