The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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