Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
