We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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