shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
