Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
im on a boat
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