Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
