The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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