I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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