I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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