Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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