dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
