so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
