I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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