After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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